Who doesn’t want to feel happier, have more energy, be more connected and creative in their life? Who doesn’t want to feel more fulfilled, have better relationships, and have a positive impact on people around them or in their community? We all want this, right? So what can we do to get there?

This first question has a simple answer: focus on your brain (physical aspect) and your mind (mental aspect). 12 years ago, I was reading a magazine article about a successful young female entrepreneur who built a multi-million-dollar empire in the juice-drink industry. They asked her what was the secret to becoming so successful, so fast. Her answer struck me with its simplicity: “I sit every morning for 30 minutes meditating. I make sure I have the right thoughts in my head to start the day.” I realized at that moment how much time I was spending on external stuff like the aircraft I was flying (F/A-18), the technology, weapon engagement, tactics, and all the complexities that such an aircraft involved. I spent zero time learning about and understanding how my brain and mind worked. Flying will probably be over soon and all the knowledge I had acquired would not be of much use in my later life. On the other hand, I will be stuck with my brain and mind until my last breath. I decided to focus on learning how they work. I read books, went to seminars, watched videos and documentaries, asked questions to professionals, and worked towards strengthening a more powerful mind and a sharper brain. I was committed to it.

Another factor that really encouraged me to study even more in this field was my genetics. I became particularly aware of this factor after my father took his own life in 2014. I was born with a handicap as with many of my family members who struggled with severe mental health difficulties induced by not taking care of their brain during their life (physical part) and not paying attention to their thoughts, feelings, and how they feed their mind (mental part).

I guess I was dealt a bad hand when I was born. I am aware of it. However, my genetics are not my destiny and not a death sentence. I am in control of this. By being honest with myself, being aware of this potential issue, taking preventive actions, and having a healthy lifestyle I can change the course. It is not because you come from a genetically obese family that you will automatically become obese. There are many things that you can do to manage your weight, strength, and mental/physical health.

I will share with you now 7 techniques that I have used to boost my mind and sharpen my brain. I am using all of them daily. They work for me, and I am convinced that some of them will work for you too. Even if you were blessed with a very healthy mind and brain, you can still take it to the next level. The sky is the limit when we see the brain as an organ with infinite possibilities.

Disclaimer

All the information and content shared here is for informational purposes only and is not intended to serve as a substitute for consultation, diagnosis, or medical treatment from a doctor, psychologist, therapist, or any healthcare provider. Always seek the advice of your physician or a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or psychological condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it if triggered by something you have read here. If you think you may have a mental health emergency, call 911 immediately and ask for emergency responders with crisis interview team (CIT) training. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicide, please call 911 or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

1. Sleep

Get at least 7 hours of sleep. If you can have 8, even better. When you sleep, your brain gets a little bit of rest. It is during this time that it flushes toxins, repairs itself, and creates new neuro-connections. It is very important. Sleeping less than 7 hours means that our alertness during the following day is equivalent to having a blood alcohol concentration of 0.05% which according to U.S. law means an individual would be "impaired" when driving. Now imagine doing that day after day. How do you think your brain is able to process information? Are you in the best position to make good decisions in life?

If you have difficulty falling asleep and sleeping, try to:

• Eat your last meal 3 hours before bedtime. Stop working two hours before. No screens an hour before bed. Of course, no TV in the bedroom!
  

• Plan and visualize the next day. Write down your thoughts, create a to-do-list, and note down anything that is important that you don’t want to forget to calm your mind
  

• Don’t drink alcohol in the evening. You may fall asleep faster but the higher sugar content in alcohol will wake you up in the middle of the night. Additionally, alcohol feeds toxins in your brain and makes you dehydrated
  

• List 5 things that you are grateful for, and imagine them. You need to have positive and grateful thoughts before you fall asleep
  

• Have a meditation practice and a routine to help you wind down the day before you go to bed
  

• Journaling in the evening is important to help your brain during the night to process information. Don’t be surprised to wake up in the morning with clarity and a solution to the problem you had the day before
  

• Have a dark bedroom with a cooler temperature
  

• Last tip: take power naps (15-30 minutes). They are very good for you. They regenerate and re-energize the brain
  

All these little tips will help you to fall asleep faster and get a deep resting sleep where your brain can recharge for the next day. Good sleep is very important for the health of your brain.

2. What you eat, drink, and feed your mind

I love Gummy Bears and Red Vines. They are always tempting me when I go to the gas station. But I rarely eat them. Why? Because of the impact of certain chemicals like corn sugar, artificial flavors, and other toxic ingredients on your body and brain. Did you know that Red Dye 40 which is used in the Red Vines and many other processed foods is known to create migraine and allergies, influence your mood, and even generate mental disorders in children? Did you know that Red Dye 40 is banned in the UK, Norway, and Austria? So, how can our diet help us to have a healthy brain?

• Drink plenty of water every day (an ounce of water for each pound you weigh). Around 60% of your body weight is water. Around 80% of your brain weight is water. Now you know how important it is to drink water and you know why you feel a headache when you have a hangover (alcohol dehydrates you)
  

• Eat fresh local food from the farmer's market if you can. Eat plenty of vegetables. My rule of thumb is: the greener the vegetable (kale) is and the smaller and darker is the fruit (blueberries) the healthier they are for me. Another rule for me is to have a colorful mix on my plate. Your meal should be a work of art including plenty of colorful fresh ingredients
  

• If you eat meat and fish, focus on wild fish (wild salmon) and white meat (turkey is better for your brain than chicken). Many of us eat too much meat in our diets. Ask yourself if you really need that much in your diet
  

• Eats nuts and seeds (sources of protein, healthy fats, fibers, vitamins, and minerals). Almonds, pecans, pine nuts, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, and flax seeds are my favorites
  

• Eat at a regular time. Like sleeping, be on a schedule. I know that sometimes life gets in the way. But try to eat (and sleep) at the same time every day
  

• What fits on one plate is what you get. Period. No second plate, no extra plate… one plate per meal
  

• If you need a snack, choose fruits, seeds, or nuts
  

• Two last hacks that I use:

  • Drink water before or after the meal but not during. It is better for your digestive system

  • If you eat greens (salad for example), add some fruit with it (apple, pear, etc.). It will help you to digest better and faster
    

Talking to a nutritionist about your diet is a wise move. The earlier you know what you should eat (or not), the healthier you will be.

But what about how you feed your mind? I was born in an era with no computers and no cell phones. Our old TV was black and white with only 3 channels. Instead, as a kid I spent time in nature; fishing, camping, building tree houses and playing cowboys and Indians. The activities that I did during my day in my leisure time were healthy for my brain.

Nowadays, I wonder how much damage we have inflicted on the life of our kids and young people bombarded with war movies, violent video games, and TV news that focus on negativity, tragedy, and controversy. These are aside from all the social media platforms that we know now have many negative effects on young people. Every second of your life as experienced through your 5 senses is recorded in your unconscious. This is the place where the feelings, thoughts, urges, and memories that are not perceived at your conscious level are stored. The unconscious does not know if what you see, hear, and sense is real or not (for example, a feeling triggered by a scene in a movie). So, think about what you watch on TV, what kind of music you listen to, what you hear, read, the podcasts, the YouTube videos, the movies you watch, and the games you play. Are they nurturing your mind positively or not? Think about it and make wise choices about what you feed to your mind.

3. Supplements

As I have mentioned before, I don’t have the best genetic history for my brain and my mental health. I did a lot of research and took some tests to pinpoint what I should take as a natural supplement to support a healthy brain and a positive and uplifting mindset. The right balance of neurochemicals is very important for our brain. A deficiency or surplus of certain neurochemicals can influence the function of your brain, your mood, and the way you think. Omega 3 fatty acid is known to have a lot of benefits for your brain. Magnesium is another one.  Did you know that dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins are key chemicals for your happiness?

Depending on your genetics, your lifestyle, your diet, and where you live (if you live far North you may have little to no exposure to the sun in wintertime, which means you could have a deficiency in vitamin D) you may consider taking targeted supplements. The best, most efficient, and cheapest way to find out what you need is to talk to a nutritionist or have a blood test taken for nutritional deficiencies (vitamins and minerals). This will narrow down what you need. We are all different and what works for me may not work for you. The best way to find out is to talk to a professional. I highly encourage you to do it. Trial and error strategy is not only dangerous, but it will waste your time and money trying things out. I did a blood test, and it changed my life. I now know which specific supplements I need to take to support a healthy body and brain.

4. Relationships and connection

I was born in a family where there was very little connection between family members. We never shared our feelings, thoughts, and emotions in the family. We almost had no contact with other family members (uncles, aunts, godfathers, godmothers, or grandparents). I was raised in a “connection -vacuum” environment. I never heard my parents saying “I love you” or had a birthday party at my house. As a child, I spent a lot of time in my bedroom alone, as did my sisters. It is only in the past few years that I became aware of this deficiency in my communication skills, my connection with others (empathy, compassion), and my relationships (interaction in social groups or in long-term relationships).

How we connect and relate to others (relationship) is something we learn at a young age by witnessing and mimicking our parents. We are not born with it. It is something we learn. Humans are social animals who need social connection to survive (primitive life) but also to keep a healthy body and mind. It is known that loneliness triggers inflammation, anxiety, phobias, cardiovascular diseases, depression, and suicide to cite a few. Connection and healthy relationships are the core of our human needs. We cannot survive alone.

Now, how can you get more connected with people in your community and strengthen your relationships?

Personally, I have found good connections in places where there is an activity that I like to participate in. I like opera, scuba diving, yoga, swimming, and reading. I join groups or events where I can find people with similar activities. Volunteering is another awesome place to connect with like-minded people. I volunteer at the local meal delivery for the elderly, at the local hospital with Bodhi (dog therapy), and at Urban Angels for homeless people. Volunteering is where I developed my sociability and communication skills.

Relationships are something I pay more and more attention to every year. When I was young and early in my career, I was surrounded by negative people. I replicated what I learned and what I had seen through my parents. Now I have reached the point where I am very particular with whom I connect and build relationships with. I am open to meeting anybody. However, to build a long-lasting relationship I have a simple rule: the relationship must be mutually supportive, uplifting, and purposeful. Through the years, I have created three categories of relationships. I do this because sometimes, we must interact with people that we don’t really want to like certain family members, co-workers, or friends. I make sure that I spent most of my time with the people in the first category, a little bit with the second, and as little as possible with the third. The categories are:

• The close relationships. These are the people that I can trust whom I can share my truth with unapologetically, the people who will support me no matter what. They are my close friends that I connect with multiple times during the weeks. They are positive uplifting people that I can count on and people who know that they can count on me too
  

• The casual relationships. These are the people I must interact with but don’t have any infinity with. It could be co-workers, casual friends I meet from time to time, or simply new people I just meet randomly in life. These are neutral relationships. They are the ones you connect with less often, maybe once a month or if it is more often, you keep the interaction short. They are not overly supportive or negative in your life and neither are you in their life
  

• The let-go relationships. These are the negative people, the ones who never cheer you up, the ones who come with drama and problems all the time. These are people who take your time and suck your energy. I don’t mind helping someone who is going through a difficult and challenging season in their life. However, the ones who are continually blaming others, playing victims, gossiping, and bringing negativity, those people are on the let-go list. I don’t need them in my life, and they don’t need me. I try to interact as little as possible, or even better not interact at all
  

As harsh as it can sound, it is critical that you surround yourself with good people. Sometimes we have toxic members in our family with whom we must interact. Keep these to a minimum. Be kind and respectful. But don’t engage too long and don’t be trapped in their misery. Give them your words of wisdom and move on. You deserve a good life and for that, you need to be very mindful with whom you connect and build relationships. Jim Rohn said: “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” I couldn’t agree more. Think carefully about your life and who are those 5 people for you.

5. Meditation and alone time

The next three tools I am sharing with you are the ones that had a huge impact in the last couple of years. Meditation, breathwork, and therapy. They all have one thing in common: the unconscious mind. So, let’s start with meditation and alone time.

There are a multitude of ways to meditate. I personally change them depending on what I feel and what I need. It could be a seated meditation, a walking meditation, or a “contemplation” mediation where I just stay quiet and observe what is around me with gratitude (awareness). The one that really changed my life is the Vipassana Mediation. You can read more about this experience in my blog about Vipassana by clicking HERE. What I love about this mediation is that you tap into your unconscious mind by using your natural breath and body sensations. I wake up an extra hour earlier (4:30 am) to have time to sit for one-hour meditation. I know, not everybody can afford this amount of time. But at some point, you need to be honest with yourself about what is important in your life. Watching the news or the series on TV or going to bed early and taking the time to improve yourself by meditating or doing something that nurtures you. I decided to spend time improving myself and wake up early. I know that every hour spent sitting in the morning is worth it because I gain back that time by having much more clarity in my mind and being more effective in my work during the day.

Now, something that may blow your mind: did you know that, according to Emma Young in an article published in the New Scientist magazine, 95% of our brain activity is unconscious. We talk about habits, reflexes, creativity, emotions, beliefs, cognitive bias, and beliefs systems. The unconscious mind controls much more of your life than you think. Why not tap into these resources or even better, make sure whatever it is you have stored there is really working for you and not against you. The unconscious mind does not judge, right/wrong, real/not real, or true/false. It just stores the information. Now, what happens when you have hard-wired a negative thought, memory, belief, or feeling in your unconscious. It means that when a similar experience comes back in your life, the unconscious mind is triggered and will remember the hard-wired thought, feeling, or emotion that was stored. That is why traumatic experiences from the past have such an impact on our present life. If you want to heal, you need to go back to the cause of what is hurting you and that you will find in your unconscious mind. Meditation, retreats and self-care alone time will allow you to tap into this resource and hopefully bring the root cause of any negative thoughts, beliefs, habits, and behaviors to the surface. Only when you become aware of them can you address them consciously. Meditation and reflection will help you to do that.

6. Breathwork

I was always curious about how our breath influences our mind. In vipassana, the natural breath is one way to open the door of the unconscious. Observing it and seeing the change when a certain thought or bodily sensation comes into the body. I was also fascinated with the Wim Hof method. Doing a cold ice bath is still on my bucket list. What I find interesting is that our breath can sometimes be conscious (for example holding our breath) but most of the time it is unconscious (you are not conscious of your breath most of the time or when you sleep). Your unconscious brain regulates your breathing. In cold water, normally our body reacts strongly by holding our breath at first and then moving into “panic-mode” breathing. With practice, we can rewire the unconscious brain to not react this way, stay calm, and stay longer than we think in cold water.

A few months ago I started a breathwork class. We lay down on our back and practiced a breathing exercise with three parts where we initially inhaled to the diaphragm (belly up), then to the heart and collarbone, and then exhaled the breath out naturally. We did this for 10 to 15 minutes, three cycles of this exercise with phases of holding the breath in between. The results blew my mind. I didn’t have a quick reaction or sudden results like some people in the class. However, the day after when I woke up I had a new level of energy, clarity, and joy within me. During these exercises, I let go of some thoughts that were deeply rooted in my unconscious. I felt lighter afterward. In Vipassana mediation, they focus on natural breath. Here, we practice a specific breath. Both use the breath to tap into the unconscious. These practices focus on going deep into the unconscious and bringing to the surface what does and does not serve you.

I practice my breathwork exercises at least once a week. It became something important for me. I wish I would have known it earlier. It is simple, you don’t need any fancy equipment and it is free. But you must do the work, be diligent and dedicated to it.

7. Therapy

As I told you at the beginning, my childhood was harsh, and I received many traumas from it. I could have ended up like my parents. Some of my family members are reproducing exactly what they have learned. It is sad and very unfortunate. Through the years, I read a lot of books about the mind, the brain, psychology, the neuroplasticity of the brain, and how I can optimize my brain and the way my mind works. I know that my genetics are not in my favor. However, I take it more as a challenge than a handicap. My mother and another member of my family saw a psychologist. The results were a disaster. After decades of treating them, nothing really happened. When my father asked for help and then when I asked for help, neither individual budged an inch. Eventually one of us died and the other (me) left the country, without any reaction from these family members. When it was too late, my family didn’t have the courage to ask the authorities to help my mum who became a danger to herself and other people around her. They asked me to solve the problem and contact the authorities for them. This was in 2018! I did it because it was a question of safety. Everything backfired on me. When that happened, they didn’t budge an inch either to help me. They let me go down the hill. I lost trust in them.

It took me time and courage to step up for myself. I had been successful in my professional life so far but I was not so much fulfilled in my personal life. I knew that something was still holding me back. I needed someone to help me break through whatever was slowing me down or restricting me from growth in my personal and professional life. I did some research. I didn’t find any therapist or therapy that really inspired me. I was ashamed to ask my close friends for help: “how can a fighter pilot and high-performance coach need a therapist? What will people think about me, loser…” these were my inner thoughts. I am not proud of it… but it was the talk I had with myself for years. One day, a close friend introduced me to EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy so I did some research. As soon as I discovered it was a therapy based on the eye movements that we have during the REM sleep (Rapid Eye Movement) cycle, the cycle where you dream, I was sold.

REM sleep is important to your sleep cycle because it stimulates the areas of your brain that are essential for learning new skills and making or retaining memories. The REM cycle supports neuroplasticity and regulates mood. It is believed that it even processes other people’s emotions and responds to stressful situations. In REM sleep, the eyes move rapidly whilst the muscles are mostly or completely paralyzed and dreaming is vivid. Brain waves during REM sleep are similar to brain waves that occur during wakefulness. In fact, REM sleep is the stage of sleep that most closely resembles being awake. In simple words, the REM phase during the sleep is a bridge between the unconscious and conscious brain. That hits home for me. After my vipassana meditation technique and my breathwork, this EMDR therapy was making total sense. Consciousness is located in different parts of the brain (the limbic system is one of them). The unconscious brain has no anatomical location yet it depends on the functioning of the entire neurological system in our body. Isn’t that strange? Now I understand why Buddha taught the technique of meditation based on the natural breath and bodily sensations. I understand how the breathwork influences my neurological system and my unconscious mind which is spread out in my entire nervous system. EMDR therapy works on the same principle. It uses eye movement to bring memories to the surface that have been hard-wired “the wrong way” in our unconscious, which then allows us to rewire them “the right way” with the right thought and feeling. This is a simplified explanation to give you an idea of how it works. That kind of therapy was making sense to me, and I decided to give it a shot.

What is the result? I don’t know yet. I just started it so I cannot yet give you my feedback but I am very confident that it will bring good results. As ashamed as I was to talk about it first I am now open to sharing my experience with others. It is time to bring more awareness to people that therapy is not something to be ashamed of. Some people had a pretty good childhood without too many traumas. Some had hell on earth. Just like some people are very strong and healthy physically whilst some others have challenging health conditions. The brain is an organ like any other. We should not be ashamed to follow treatment or therapy to help it to function better. I will share my progress and results with you during the next year. Maybe it will help someone out there.

Final words

I have dedicated the year 2022 to explore the depth of my mind and brain in the conscious, subconscious, and unconscious. I want to learn more and understand how this amazing machine that runs my entire body works. I want to see what is hidden deep in there, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I want to bring to the surface what needs to be acknowledged, processed, and finally let go of, if that is what needs to be done. Better sleep, healthier nutrients, supplements, and building healthy relationships are simple methods to understand. They may not be easy for everybody but they are simple. Meditation, alone time to reflect in silence, and breathwork are more challenging and need to be practiced with diligence if we want results. Therapy still carries a stigma in our society. It is seen to be a bad thing to go through. I want to break this stigma. I think it is time to be open and share our experiences with others. Isn’t it funny that in our society bragging about breaking an arm and falling off a bicycle while drunk is not shameful but admitting to taking care of our mental wellbeing by undertaking therapy is shameful? Isn’t there something wrong when we create this kind of perception in the collective?

I will share with you my journey, unapologetically. Some people will make fun of it, use it against me, but so be it. Someone must open the floor for this type of conversation. I know that I am not alone. Many have similar situations. If sharing my experiences can help just one person then all my efforts will be worth it. If you want to know more, have questions, or would love to talk about it then just reach out. I will be here for you.

If you have family members or friends who struggle in life, remember that what you cannot see on the surface may be hidden deep within. Everyone has their own battle in life. Pay attention, be a good listener and be present. If someone you know hesitates when trying to get help you can encourage them to reach out to a professional. I wish I would have taken the health of my mind and brain more seriously earlier, drunk fewer beers and whisky as a young fighter pilot (that is what we did at the time!), meditated, ate healthier food, and had better friends earlier in my life. I wish I had the courage earlier to follow a therapy. I am not responsible for what happened to me, especially in my young age. However, I am 100% responsible for how I want to respond and heal from it. “You are in control of your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and their outcome.” That is what I write every day in my journal. It all starts within you. Now, what are you going to do to boost your mind and keep your brain sharp? What is the next step for you to optimize your brain and feel better? Take the time to reflect and create your action plan to get healthier mentally and emotionally.

- Hubert
YourHPcoach

P.S. Hey guys, Hubert here!

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