At midnight on the 31st of December 2017, I officially left Switzerland. In this moment I left behind everything that I had built over the previous 3 decades. I woke up on January 1st, 2018 feeling like a refugee searching for a new country, a new job, and a new place to start my life again.

How did this situation occur? What could have happened to force me to make such a drastic decision? How did I end up feeling like a refugee escaping one of the most prestigious countries in the world? One answer is that I had bad luck, or that it was the actions of others, injustices, or any of the excuses that place the blame on others or circumstances. I did point this finger at first - believe me, big time! I used all of these excuses but in the end, it didn’t serve me. These weak answers only held me back for many years. In hindsight, I can see how my actions led me to where I am now, for the good and the bad. I know that there are others facing similar situations of injustice, individuals feeling betrayed and powerless. I ask myself now how I can support them. The best way is to share my story, how I ended up where I am now, and the three most important lessons learned along the way.

Maybe some of you know someone who is going through a similar situation right now; a bad divorce, a business partner who has taken advantage, a trusted friend who has lied, or the tragic loss of a loved one. Someone attempting to navigate through any injustice, betrayal, and/or abuse is rough and tough.

On that day in early 2018, I can only wish I had the knowledge that I now possess, but I didn’t. I had to figure it out the hard way but you don’t have to walk my walk. You don’t have to make the same mistakes. Save your sanity, your energy, and your life. Here are the top three lessons that I gathered through my own experience.

How it started

Let’s start at the beginning: May 2014, when my father decided to go over the rainbow. My father didn’t share much about his health, emotions, and struggles before his death. However, before he left, he triggered a series of events that left behind him a trail of despair for my family. One thing was obvious: he couldn’t handle the behavior of his wife, my mother. Before he left this earth, he made sure that all his “secret” bank accounts and his safety deposit box were empty. He wanted to ensure that my mother would not receive anything, but how did he accomplish this?

As in the movies, he went to the bank to take out all his money in cash and his gold bars from the deposit box. To execute his plan properly, he needed to finish his plan after his death. He found an individual who was willing to help him (legally this person will stay anonymous). This person lived with another individual who had a reputation of working in the grey area of business financing, which was very handy! My father and this person went to the bank and left with grocery bags packed full of money… we are talking about millions. Yes, it was just like a movie!

After his death and months of investigation, I found out that this person had lied, always stating that they had nothing and knew nothing about the plan. In my father’s workshop I discovered a fake wall with a safe. Inside there was some cash and gold bars. Guess who had the key of this safe? The same individual. Fun fact: the gold bars in the safe were wrapped in toilet paper. It still makes me smile. 😊

Through hard labor and research, I was able to reconstitute the wealth of my father. A lot of money was missing, a lot! I found out that the exact amount missing was the same amount that this individual had carried out of the bank. When they were asked by the police and the District Attorney about what had happened that day and where the money had gone, their answer was simple: “that day, we went to his workshop office. I deposited the money on the desk next to the door. Then I left because I had a meeting. I don’t know what he did with it. It is a mystery! Only he knows.” When we asked what kind of meeting had occurred, the answer was “I don’t remember.” Yes, it was that easy…

This situation left my mother in a precarious situation. She was able to keep the family house but that was it. Meanwhile, my sister was struggling after living for 15 years with Multiple Sclerosis and going through a bad divorce that left her broke. I was in the United States working for the Swiss government trying to help them both whilst seeking justice for what had happened. Alas, now that you have the background story, let’s talk about the first lesson I learned – the most important one.

1.     Never focus on the outcome

From May 2014 until the end of 2019, I spent all my spare time day and night investigating. This person had not acted alone. Someone helped them to launder this money. I became obsessed with seeking justice and getting these people arrested. In my eyes, they were thieves and I wanted them to go to jail! I had built a good routine in the morning but I started to skip it. I spent sleepless nights (the 9-hour time difference meant that I had to work during the night to speak with different offices in Switzerland). I stopped eating well and skipped exercise. I locked my face to my computer screen searching for the truth. This obsession became an addiction. I worked closely with the Swiss IRS office specialized in fraud and money laundering because they were interested in the case. The clues that I discovered led me to believe that the individual had probably invested this money in real estate in a neighboring European country. Through the tax office, I could see that the people involved in the case had no real estate abroad declared on their tax return in Switzerland. The IRS fraud office told me: “If you can tie their ownership to an address and it is not reported on their tax return, then you have found the holy grail, and we can re-launch the criminal case and charge them.” This flicker of hope triggered my ongoing addiction to the unhealthy dopamine ignited by the idea of finally seeking justice.

Over the years, I found out what I think these individuals did with the money. I cannot go into too much detail because there are still criminal charges pending for theft. What I can say is that I found real estate that they owned via a “ghost” company. This real estate had never been declared to the tax office in Switzerland. When I shared my findings with a few top-level legal experts they agreed that the evidence would mean the individuals would be arrested and trialed. I was hopeful they would end up in jail.

After 5 years, guess what happened… nothing. After all these years someone working on the case admitted the following:

1. There was no money to be made for the government in this case

2. They had to follow directives dictated by politicians and this case was not covered by them

3. It would be a very complicated case because the assets were in another country

That was it! That was how they “suspended” the case for the second time until further proof. Meanwhile, these people live freely enjoying a lavish lifestyle. They spend countless months every year in palaces, drive fancy luxury cars, and wear designer clothes boldly in front of everybody. They are untouchable. The results make me want to puke. All my efforts went down the drain and nothing will ever happen to these individuals. They are safe.

I made a big mistake when I decided to pursue justice for my family. I set an ‘outcome’ in my mind. I strongly believed (as with many other legal experts) that these people would end up in jail. My focus was to put them behind bars, and it didn’t happen. This result meant that my world collapsed. I was hit hard. I lost my identity. I lost faith in humankind and completely lost trust in the justice system. I became depressed. How could anything make sense in life anymore?

The biggest mistake I made was to focus on an ‘outcome’. My 1st lesson for you is to focus on the facts, and the facts alone. Spending time doing research is fine but in the end bring evidence to the table, not stories or gossip. Do the best work that you can but stay equanimous. Don’t expect anything from involving the justice system. In the end, what they will do with your findings is up to them. You have no control over that and you have no power. Focus on the truth, only the truth and let go of any imaginary or hopeful ‘outcome’.

Anecdote

There is one interesting fact about the Swiss IRS office that will open your eyes to the complexity of our legal system. Due to the privacy rights of each citizen, as written in our constitution, as well as the notorious secrecy of Swiss banks, our IRS does not receive a copy of the bank statements from the bank. Thus, the IRS trusts that people declare everything they have. To press criminal charges against someone for tax fraud (which is mostly dealt with in a civil court in Switzerland), you need access to the bank statements from the bank and/or the accounting statements. However, to ask this from the bank, there needs to be criminal charges raised. Now you understand why Switzerland is seen as a ‘safe haven’ for white-collar criminals around the world. It is difficult to get caught if you establish companies in Switzerland and use their banks. Furthermore, if you hire a lawyer to register your company, the lawyer-client privilege protects the real owner. Swiss business registries don’t require firms to name the actual owner so their lawyers can hide their name and there is no way for the Swiss authorities to access it. An article published on July 13th, 2002 in the Wall Street Journal concerning a sanction against Russian oligarchs said that “officials found exactly one company out of the roughly 30,000 registered in Zug that they believed was owned or controlled by a sanctioned individual”. If you want to read more about this topic, click HERE. It gives you some further food for thought about Switzerland.

 2. Your battle is not their battle

Now, if you think that this situation was already heavy, let me add a few layers of context about what else was happening during that time. The two major reasons for why my father did what he did were his healthy and his Machiavellian wife (my mother), whom he could not stand anymore. I know that if he had known the consequences for me, he would have never done it… but he was gone.

My mother was mentally sick and deeply unwell. She had always been making stories all her life and lying. She told stories that my father was an abusive person. She even went to the police in 2009 and pressed charges against him for threatening her life (my father was a hunter; she took a picture of one of his hunting gun and brought that to the police). The case was dismissed a few months later. As time progressed, my mother became more elaborate. The older she became, the more energy and strength she had to harm people. She put my father through hell.

I found out later that in the basement of the house, there was an old chest freezer. Inside, my father had built a small kitchenette to cook his meals. The local restaurant owner told me that my father came sometimes to have lunch because his wife didn’t cook for him. Nobody knew at the time how badly he was treated. He kept silent. Even I didn’t know. It still hurts, as I write these words, to know what my father went through.

The day he took his life, I was at their house for lunch. My mother was acting horribly. At one point, I lost it. I couldn’t stand it anymore and I abruptly left the table, went upstairs, took my suitcase, and said goodbye. That was the last time I saw my father. He was sitting on his chair at the table, hands on his lap, head down, staring at the emptiness of this world. He was a broken man. What we found out later from the police statement was that my dad and mother had argued. My father had enough and he told my mother he would go to his workshop’s basement. There he shot a bullet in his head. My mother waited three days before announcing the death of my father. She even went to our family doctor on the second day and when he asked how everything was going, she replied that everything was fine. This highlights the degree of mental distress my mother was in.

After the death of my dad, I took his place. I had to deal with my mother and she gave me hell on earth. I would receive letters from her typed by someone with an old typewriter. My aunt and uncle turned against me as they believed the stories my mother told them - “he is like his dad”. One night, the phone rang, it was the local police station from the town where my mother lived. My mother was there to press charges against me. She said I was there last night at the apartment building shouting at her and threating her life. I told the police officer that this was impossible as I was in San Diego. “Are you sure, sir?” he asked. Yes, I am sure, I am in San Diego.

On one of my trips to Switzerland to help her, I arrived at our family home seeking to pick up some belongings such as pictures, my father’s watch, and other souvenirs. Well, those memories were all gone. My mother had cleaned up all the belongings from my father, all the family pictures, and all my childhood things. At 73, she cleaned out the entire house from the basement to the attic. The only two things I was able to keep from my dad were his 2013 fishing license and the good memories, everything else was gone.

She even went to another level of destruction; she trashed all her clothes. She had a huge collection of luxury brand clothes that she had accumulated through decades of compulsive shopping. To have new ones, she emptied every closet and every drawer. Everything was gone, given away, or trashed. She came to me whining: “Hubert, I don’t have anything to wear, I need to buy new clothes…” We had no money and here she was with nothing. Over the next few months, the compulsive shopping started again and there was nothing I could do to stop her.

In August 2015, my mother pressed charges for sexual harassment against a man that was helping us, a wonderful man. There she was again at the police station. This man called me, panicking, and asked me what to do. He had done nothing wrong. He was the kindest generous man who had helped my mother relentlessly. Here we were again. This situation became too dangerous for him and for me. At that point, I needed to protect myself. I decided to call my mother and I told her to never call me again and never ask me for anything. Her answer was: “that’s perfectly fine, thank you, bye!” She had become dangerous and she was out of control.

My mother needed someone else to grip onto and so she turned to my poor sister who also needed her mother due to her health and familial issues. My mother would stop by the house every day to have a 4 o’clock snack. In this time my mother forced my sister to give her the power of attorney on her bank account. My sister was so scared so she did it. My mother was digging in her account, relentlessly. She even bought expensive clothes after the credit card was maxed out, and then sent the invoice to my sister’s address hoping that she would pay. When I heard about this, I stepped up to protect my sister. The consequence of this was that my mother rejected my sister and she was left alone, with nobody to see or talk to. One night, she knocked at my mother’s door asking for help. She was sick and wanted to sleep on the couch but my mother refused. My sister ended up in a motel sick, depressed, and lost. A few weeks later, she attempted suicide for the first time. She recovered but six months later, she tried again and went on to spend years in different hospitals and institutions. Now, she is sick and living in a nursing home. She is alone at 58 years old with nobody to help her or visit. Her life was destroyed.

My own battle became protecting my mother from herself. She was mentally sick and she needed help. I wanted to help and protect my sister. I wanted to bring justice against the criminals who had stolen my father’s money. I wanted both to be taken care of physically and financially. I failed them like I failed with the justice system.

When I asked the family doctor and my mother’s psychologist to help me (yes, she had a psychologist), they just ignored the facts and let the situation run its course. Even worse, one of them was joking and mocking us (“it will be funny to see your mother in front of a judge,” “your family is like an opera, looking forward to seeing the next act”). The situation continued for 4 years until my mother reached a point of danger that a mental evaluation was ordered by the social services. During this evaluation, she had an accident when she went shopping and broke her femur. At the hospital, they were scared by her behavior and they declared her to be a danger to herself and others. The result of the mental expertise was that, sadly, my mother had advanced dementia. They never let her go out again. She is now in a nursing home under a high level of care (they watch her 24/7). According to the family doctor one year ago, my mother passed a test for dementia with 29 out of 30 points - “excluding dementia”. He wrote to the social services and told them these results.

Why have these two doctors never acted properly and professionally? They feared my mother. They knew that she could harass people. One doctor told me that my mother was calling him 30 times a day. He didn’t know what to do and was afraid to call the social services, he even asked me to do it for him. It was clear that my family situation was my battle, not theirs. They didn’t want to engage with her.

As for my sister, I saw the tragedy coming. I was calling her two to three times a week. Again, I asked the doctors to help her. I also asked the legal services, the same people I was asking to help my mother. They said: “Mr. Pilloud, we cannot put everyone under power of attorney…” and she laughed loud down the phone at me. I told her that there was nothing to laugh about. Between a legal case I had to work on alone, my mother doing crazy things, and my sister being distressed and alone in motels… nothing was funny. This phone call was made a few weeks before she attempted her first suicide. We had to wait for the second attempt before they considered getting her some support.

Again, my battle was not their battle. Even if the legal office had a duty to protect and assist people in distress, my battle was not theirs.

My battle for justice was not the responsibility of the Swiss IRS. “No money to be made,” they said and I understand that the entire justice system, in any country, functions with a budget and limited resources. They must focus on the most important cases, and thus, recovering my father’s assets was my battle, not theirs.

The lesson learned here for me was that you can’t expect people to fight for you. If there is no gain for them, they will most likely leave the battlefield and leave you alone. Understand what is at play, who can do what, and what is their benefit. A soldier is forced to follow orders and fight for their generals. You are not their general, and they are not your soldiers. If you must engage in battle, know that you will mostly be alone if there is nothing for others to gain. Look at your resources, your skills, and what are your intentions behind this fight. What do you want to achieve, how will you get there, and how much mental and physical resources are you ready to sacrifice? Have clarity about the situation. Look at your chances of winning and the consequences of losing. Then ask yourself the question, do I want to take on this battle? I personally fought too long, and too hard. I depleted my own mental, emotional, and physical energy. I hoped all along that a magic knight will appear to help me but he never came. I bled to death on the battlefield, alone. Choose your battles wisely and don’t make the same mistake I made.

Anecdote

You may observe that everything was revolving around money in these anecdotes, and you would be right. My family, including me, had an unhealthy relationship with money. I could have just walked away and left them alone to deal with the situation. Well, there was a financial long-term consequence for me that I didn’t want to take. In Switzerland, the parents are legally responsible for supporting their children if they face any financial difficulty or need (if they possess the means). This is often the case in many countries. In Switzerland, they go to another extreme. Anyone who can no longer earn their own living has a legal right to maintenance by their close relatives. “Close relatives” is defined to be a relative in the direct line, meaning grandparents, parents, and children. In case a person is unable to support themselves then social assistance benefits will be provided. However, before they become involved, the municipality or the social services will examine whether there is an obligation for close relatives. This meant, in my case, whether the children could financially support the parent (my mother). My sister was sick, didn’t have any income, and was broke. The only person in the family who had an income and savings was me. I knew my mother would end up in a nursing home. Depending on the care level needed, the expenses could be high. As of today, my mother is in a nursing home with the highest level of care and security. It probably costs more than CHF 100,000 a year. If I had stayed in Switzerland; I would have had to pay for the care of an individual who had systematically destroyed each member of my family. This will go on until my savings are wiped out. I would have lost everything I had built in 3 decades. My only way out and to keep what I had earned was to leave my country and by doing so, leave behind my career. This is what I did. I left my birth country and started over my life in the United States.

3. Have boundaries and be accountable

I spent many years searching for the truth and seeking justice. I fought as hard as I could. I spent even more years trying to help my family and do the right thing. What I can say is that I lost every single battle. This was a first for me. My entire life I had worked hard to succeed and always attain a certain level of success. This time, I lost everything. I felt like I was in a room with 4 walls and many doors: a door for justice, a door for legal experts, a door for the social services, a door for the doctors, a door for the inspectors investigating the case, a door for my uncles and aunts. At some point, all these doors opened. I saw some light and hope. But they closed as fast as they had opened. I sat in the middle of this dark room, with no light, with what was left of myself and my identity, meaning nothing. I was empty, completely depleted. I felt insanity creeping up on me as I reached a low that I never thought was possible feeling betrayed and powerless. I was alone, sitting in this dark room called life.

On February 14, 2017, I received a phone call from headquarters that my diplomatic contract was ending at the end of the year, and I felt relief. I wasn’t losing a job but gaining freedom. It was just the push that I needed to move forward. I decided to move on and burn my bridges with Switzerland. I officially left my birth country at the end of 2017 (I purposefully don’t call it home country because it was never home for me). I didn’t have any clue what I would do next in life or where I would live but I needed to escape Switzerland. I had to leave my country to stay alive and thus, I became a refugee from Switzerland.

I took a leap of faith whilst acknowledging that I was taking a very high risk by leaving everything behind. I applied for a green card and received it on May 14th, 2018. An interesting coincidence is that the interview with the immigration officer was set on the exact same day and time I had seen my father for the last time four years before. I think that this was not a coincidence. The spirit and the divine helped me.

This leap of faith was the best decision I have ever made. It gave me freedom. It opened doors to new opportunities, and it gave me a place where I could heal and rebuild. After the final interview for my green card and being officially approved, I went to Torrey Pines beach. I dropped the suitcase I had taken to the immigration office with all the official documents I possessed from birth to that day. My entire life was in this suitcase. I looked at the horizon and said to myself “I am home, I am home, I am finally home.” I had tears in my eyes as I knew that a new life was ahead of me

It took me three years to get back on my feet, physically, mentally, and emotionally. What I went through was like coming back from a war zone. I was diagnosed with PTSD. The word “Switzerland” became a trigger for me. You can’t imagine how hard it was for me to keep my composure when people asked me where I came from and hear their response about how wonderful and beautiful it was.

When I look back and ask myself what I could have done better to not get so low that I lost myself and my identity, I would say that I should have set boundaries and had an ‘accountability partner’. You must decide how much energy, resources, and time you want to spend on something. You must identify the real root cause of this intention. I didn’t have any boundaries. I went down a path that led me to a very dark place in my life. I was so obsessed that I didn’t even see what I was doing and where I was heading, but my neighbors saw me running into this dark room. This is where an ‘accountability partner’ is helpful.

When you are involved in a very emotional situation, you can easily lose perspective. Only people from the outside can see and witness your downfall. It is important to have close friends to watch over you and call you out before it gets out of control. Don’t hesitate to ask for guidance from trained professionals to navigate any dark period of your life. Be open and ask for help either from a doctor, a therapist, or any support group. I know that the payback time will come for what I did. I lost many years of my life and probably shorted my life expectancy as the level of stress I went through for years took a toll on my body.

If I can give some advice it is that you put yourself first. Make sure you establish boundaries by keeping everything in perspective. Plan your actions and set triggers for yourself that if reached, you step back. For example, if you don’t sleep at night or you gain 20 lbs., then you know that you have passed the trigger. Keep a healthy routine including exercise, eating well, and maintaining social connections. Don’t isolate yourself like I did. Allocate time and resources to do what you think is right and when they are used up, stop yourself. Don’t push so far that you find yourself in a dark room with all the doors closed. Set boundaries and find friends to keep you accountable.

Final words

I went to hell and came back. It was not pretty down there. I remember how I would wake up blaming the world for all the misery that I went through. For years, I couldn’t see an end even after I left my country officially, it followed me. It took me time to be able to let go and put everything to rest.

If you ask what I would do now if I had the choice of a new life, my answer will always be that I choose my life with the same path. The horrors that I went through forced me to grow better and faster. I was lucky to be strong mentally and physically, and I was lucky to survive and stay alive. As my dear friend told me one day, “the divine gives its biggest challenges to his best students.” I have seen and experienced transformation. I know now that everything is possible in life. I know that despite extremely challenging times, humankind can expand its own boundaries. I have learned what a growth mindset means. I would have never thought 15 years ago that I would be where I am today. I have transcended my karma. As my dear shaman friend told me, “Hubert, you have lived three lives within one lifetime. You have transcended three life karmas. Your soul has grown exponentially.”

If you know someone in a similar situation, alone in a dark room, then let them know that one day, a door will open. That door may not be what you have envisioned for your life but know that on the back of that door is written FREEDOM. Have strength, and focus on doing the right thing, every day. Let go of the outcomes. Make sure you pick your battles wisely. Don’t count on anyone except yourself. Set boundaries and create a support system to help you go through the storms ahead. Believe that what you are going through will one day propel you to a new level of understanding of life and humankind. Trust that the universe will always support you, no matter what.

- Hubert
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