THE 3 PILLARS TO A SUCCESSFUL LIFE TRANSITION
Lately, I have been reflecting on what type of patterns have occurred regularly over my life. I made two interesting observations.
The first is that I often chose difficult and challenging objectives. As a teenager, I wanted to become a fighter pilot, which is a difficult path. It was not easy to become a fighter pilot. 3,000 applicants at the beginning of training came down to only 6. By 22, I was one of those six who received wings on their uniform. I later switched into a completely different field working as a Liaison Officer for the Swiss Department of Foreign Affairs. Also, I started from scratch a 501(c) nonprofit organization to support youth and wounded warriors. Then I took a big leap of faith and left my country and my career to apply for a Green Card. I had only one option that was high risk and I made it. Finally, I became an entrepreneur.
The second thing I observed is that in my life I have experienced multiple life-changing transitions. I transitioned from the military world to the civilian world. I moved from one country to another. I transitioned from receiving a paycheck at the end of every month to being my own boss and creating my own income. Meanwhile, I transitioned from the fixed mindset I had in Switzerland to a growth mindset. I learned to expand my boundaries, grow and be unafraid to tackle new challenges, in both my personal and professional life. I found out that the understanding that we are all connected, that we are all a part of a master puzzle in this universe is as important as the knowledge acquired through conventional education.
If we look back to 100 years ago, we can see that change occurred at a much slower pace. Life was simpler, changes took more time to occur, and people faced fewer life-changing events. Now, the pace is much faster and changes are more drastic. It is not uncommon to see people changing their career multiple times, moving from one country to another, or quickly making radical changes in their personal or professional lives/relationships. We all must create our own path. Sometimes, things line up perfectly and the path is clear. Sometimes, we must instead take a detour to reach our destination. Sometimes, life sends us a curveball and we must take or create a new path with a different destination. Change can come despite our will or intention. The only part that we can control is how we respond to it and how we move forward. When we want/need to change because of an unexpected event, the most critical element of the process is mastering the transition from the old to the new. How well or badly you execute these transitions will lead you to either victory or misery. Yes, this can be scary sometimes. Uncertainty and fear can cripple you but it does not have to be this way. I will share with you the three pillars that will help you to ensure a smooth transition and reach victory.
Before I share these three pillars, we need to make sure that the foundation is solid. Before starting anything, we must have a strong foundation. What is this foundation? Letting go of the past. Be at peace with it. Let it be.
Foundation
When I permanently left my birth country (I cannot call it home, because it was never a home for me) I was in a very dark place. I left the country because of a chain of events created by certain members of my family that put me in a situation that was ruining my life. It was tragic, disturbing, and destructive. I asked for help and I knocked at multiple doors but none opened. Nobody cared, nobody stepped up, even the legal authorities. I was devastated. Beginning in 2017, I decided to leave behind everything I had and had created in order to start over. For me, this was a matter of survival. Going back was a death sentence.
Looking back, one of the mistakes I made was not taking enough time to build a solid foundation. I didn’t let go of the past. I wanted the people who did awful things to be punished. I wanted justice. I won’t go into more detail because it is not the point here. Nonetheless, what I did wrong was to let my energy flow into the past. I would tell people that I had let go, and that I was beginning a new chapter in my life but in practice, my thoughts, and the feelings that were generated by those thoughts were still in the past. I didn’t fully let go. If I would have used that energy to create my future, I would be much further ahead than I am now in my life. That is a fact.
If you want to have a successful transition, you must let go of the past. It will never change. Letting go is not something that happens overnight. It takes time. Did you know that the slower a concrete slab is drying, the stronger it becomes? So, take the time to build a solid foundation. Take the time to process. Ask for help from friends or professionals. Even if your three pillars are built well, they won’t last if the foundation is not solid enough to support them. Let the past be the past. Create a strong foundation to build upon.
1st Pillar: CLARITY
Getting CLARITY is the first step before starting any change. Sometimes we have time to plan a big change in our life but sometimes we don’t and must act fast. In both situations, you still need to sit down and gain clarity about the situation. Acting without clarity is a recipe for disaster. I often use the analogy of a flight plan to explain how to gain clarity.
You need to be very clear about where you want to go: your destination. Who do you want to become, where do you want to live, what do you want to do, what is important in your life, what are you passionate about? Think long term, in 5 years. What is your dream destination, what do you want to achieve or contribute to this world?
In order to reach your destination, you need to know the departure point. This is the present situation. Who are you, where are you now, what skills and knowledge do you have, and what are your strengths and weaknesses? If you don’t know your starting point, you won’t be able to find the focus necessary to reach your destination. Imagine you are somewhere flying over the middle of the Atlantic and want to reach Paris. You know it is somewhere to the East. If you are lucky, you might pick up the right heading. But the probability of this working is slim. Clarifying both your starting point and destination point means that you will be able to find your direction.
Having clarity on these two points means you can draw your route. Often this is not a straight line. You will need to make a few turns around waypoints. These waypoints are the “must-have” you need to acquire. It will be all the critical parts that need to happen for you to reach your destination. For example, if you want to become a doctor, there will be milestones that you need to achieve to get there including mandatory steps (college, university, medical school, exams, internship…).
Then you will look at the logistics: what you need. If you build a business, it will be the assets, the team, the supplier, the support, the finance, and the mentors who will support you along the way. Think about the flight again. You will need a cabin crew (team), a co-pilot (your partner), support on the ground (suppliers), a runway for takeoff (machinery, real estate), air traffic controllers to help you along the way (could be a board, advisers), fuel (money), and much more.
The next things you will consider are the reserves and contingency plans. An airplane never takes off with just the fuel it needs to reach its destination. It takes extra fuel in case there are headwinds (obstacles along the way), sidewinds (challenges that might put you off course), delays (waiting time before landing), or bad weather that forces landing at an alternate airfield. Make sure that you have reserves. Don’t plan to launch a business with no financial reserve! Often it takes double the resources and double the time we planned to reach our goal. Therefore, you will make a contingency plan. What do you do if you lose one engine? Do you continue or do you turn around? What is the point of no return for you? At what point is there no more turning back? Plan for potential problems you may encounter and have a plan ready. The more prepared you are, the better chance you will have of reaching your destination with success. You now have your flight plan. You have CLARITY.
2nd pillar: PURPOSE
When you have your flight plan, you need to think about the PURPOSE behind the change. Why do you want to go to Paris? Is it just for yourself, for personal enjoyment or maybe there is something bigger behind it? There is nothing wrong with visiting Paris to have a new experience. But that experience must ignite something within you that can support a bigger picture. This experience may open your eyes to a new environment, a new culture, a new perspective that you can bring back home with you. Maybe you are a French teacher and so you want to go to Paris and master the language to serve your students better. What is it at the destination that can serve a bigger picture, serve others or serve the community?
The best way to find purpose is to focus on your passion. Do you like art, teaching, creating, serving others, building companies, creating jobs, philanthropy? What excites you? Maybe it is for your family, your kids? You want them to experience something new that will enrich their life. Think about the benefits for others. Whatever it is that you want to do and achieve, what are the external benefits for your loved ones, your friends, your co-workers, the community? What are they?
I have coached successful entrepreneurs who are always eager to start something new. They want a new destination, a new flight plan. When they have landed in Paris, the first thing that they do is to plan their next flight. They don’t enjoy reaching the destination. They are on the go, always. Why? Because there was no purpose behind that first flight. Maybe their focus was on power, money, position, title, or other ego-centric goals. They never had a purpose. They feel empty. So, they chase the next destination hoping to feel better. But they repeat over and over the same mistake: no purpose. I often say to my clients that you never want to focus on money, power, or position. These are by-products. Focus on your mission and your vision with passion and purpose, the rest will follow.
The by-product of living, engaging, and contributing with purpose is the feeling of a fulfilling life. What is more fulfilling: reaching your personal goal of increasing your wealth or reaching it while creating wealth for others too? Now, you can exchange the word “wealth” with any other words like happiness, joy, compassion, health, knowledge, experience… you choose.
Any time I travel for a vacation, I make sure that the trip still has a purpose. I plan an activity that can support people in the local community. It could be volunteering by cleaning a beach, giving a speech in a school, helping a nonprofit for a few days or even a few hours. Try it. What I can guarantee is that your vacation will have a deeper meaning and you will come back transformed. You will reach a total new level of self-worth and fulfillment.
If you are in a transition, even if it is one that came unexpectedly such as losing your job or ending a long relationship, you can use this opportunity to create a new destination with purpose. For example, the partner or spouse that you loved dearly has left you. You are hurt. It is okay to feel sad. I often say that if you feel hurt it is because that relationship mattered to you, and you should be proud of yourself for showing up 100% in that relationship. Take the lesson learned from it (the foundation). Then let it be. Have clarity about what you want in the next relationship, who you want the next partner to be, and most importantly who you want to become, what do you need to change, and which skills do you need to acquire to be the best partner? Finally, what is the bigger picture with this new partner? What do you want to achieve together that is bigger than you both as individuals and the relationship itself? Maybe it is to create a family, to volunteer together for a common cause, or contribute in a way that can impact lives. Picture this relationship… how does it look? How does it feel, right now…? If you are in a relationship, what is your common purpose? Maybe you don’t have one... well I challenge you to have this conversation and create a purpose that will empower both of you and your relationship.
3rd Pillars: ALIGNMENT
We are almost there. Now that you have gained clarity and defined your purpose, you need to align all the areas of your life to make this transition to your new life successful.
What are those areas? There are many. Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health are the 4 major areas. What is the point in aiming to climb Mount Everest (new destination), planning everything ahead (clarity) to raise money for a local nonprofit (purpose) if you are not physically and mentally fit for the challenge? You won’t succeed, right?
Whatever you decide to do, make sure that all the areas in your life are in alignment with what you want to achieve. Maybe it is to build more courage, to have more influence, be a better role model, have more energy, be more productive with your time and resources. Take a holistic approach about the aspects of your life that need to be in alignment. They all support each other.
When I left Switzerland permanently, I was physically fit. I had a good spiritual practice (mainly meditation and yoga) and I thought I was mentally and emotionally fit but I wasn’t. I was still living in the past. I was angry and upset about what happened and everything I had lost. I had a lot of animosity again many people in my country. I was hoping that some of them would be brought to justice. I struggled. My mind was agitated, all the time. I was not centered. I was not in alignment. It is only when I hit a wall of depression that I became aware of it and needed to address it. It took me months to get out of the ditch I had dug myself in but I did the work and brought myself back to a healthy mindset.
Do you want to know one of my secret weapons to get out of this situation? Perspective. Change perspective. Instead of focusing on what I had lost, the injustice, the lies, and the pain. I decided to create a new story, a story about the freedom I gained, the new opportunities I have now that I didn’t have before, the genuine loving, supportive, and caring people who surrounded me now, the opportunity to rebuild, the choices I have now to create a life based on purpose, to have the freedom to travel whenever I want and help people in different communities. Without those tragic events in Switzerland, I would have never experienced this amazing journey that I am pursuing right now. Changing the story was key. Practicing gratefulness, trusting the universe, working seriously and diligently towards my purpose changed my mindset. I changed the way that I thought, which created new positive feelings that triggered better actions and led to better outcomes. These 4 steps: think, feel behave, and outcome are linked together and are 100% under your control.
Think about the 4 main areas: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Then create subgroups in each of them. Focus on the ones that need some attention for you, the ones that are critical to your success. Work on them until you feel you are in alignment with what you want to achieve in life and what you want to contribute into this world.
Final words
Is that it then? If I focus on building a solid foundation (taking the lessons learned and leaving the past behind) and prioritizing the three strong pillars of clarity, purpose, alignment, will I be guaranteed success? My answer is: no. Success is never guaranteed. What I can guarantee is that you will have more chance of success with a strong foundation and these three pillars than not. What I can guarantee is that if you plan the transition phase well, there will be more chance of reaching your goals and your destination.
What about situations involving despair where there is no time left, very few or no resources (like money), and/or difficult emotional distress because of the loss of a loved one… what should I do?
In that situation, it is even more important to stop, breathe, think, plan, and then act. What is the alternative anyway? To scramble without clarity, without any plan, without any idea of what you want in life, and taking actions that might even deteriorate the situation? Do you think acting this way is going to help you in the long term? Probably not.
Give yourself the permission to take the time to gain clarity, to find your purpose, and bring alignment into your life. This might mean taking a job that just pays the bills for a while until you find out what you want to do in life. I did it. I was a scuba instructor for a full year, making just enough money to pay my utilities, bills, and food.
Heal your heart. What is the point of jumping into the next relationship, making the same mistake, and getting hurt again? Analyze why your past relationship didn’t work. Read books. Be interested in topics such as psychology, masculine and feminine energy, communication. Arm yourself with a better understanding of relationships.
I have been in many major transitions in life. Some of them were painful and I made many mistakes. I learned a lot along the way. You don’t have to repeat them. It does not have to be this way for you. If you are in a challenging life transition, know that I see you and hear you. If you don’t know what to do next or don’t have support, I am here for you. That is my purpose in life. Being of service, inspiring, and transforming people’s lives. Reach out and I will be there for you.
- Hubert
YourHPcoach
P.S. Hey guys, Hubert here!
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