ANXIETY AND FEAR OF DEATH
Having anxiety and fear of death is very normal and I have some personal experiences that will help you get over your fear and provide some valuable insight.
Are you going to die?
During my yoga teacher training, while waiting outside the studio before the class, a young student in panic shared with me that she couldn’t sleep for the past 2 nights because of the 20 minutes yoga sequences she had to teach us that day as part of our training.
I listened to her with empathy and when she calmed down, I asked her this question: “are you going to die? Are you going to die if you mess up your sequence?” She looked at me straight into the eye and replied: “of course not”. “So what are you afraid of?” I replied.
You could see the tension, stress, and fear on her face melt away. Asking this question first when you are in a situation of stress or fear will make the intensity to go down by a half. You will feel more calm, empowered and more rational in facing the fear.
You might think it is obvious that we are not going to die from teaching a yoga class; it is a kind of odd or silly question to ask ourselves. It was not for me. It was a serious legitimate question I often ask myself as a fighter pilot.
This question was part of my job
When I was in my military academy to become a fighter pilot, during a low-level mission in bad weather through the Swiss Alps, I faced one of the biggest fears of my life. My leader and I were flying over a glacier, very low.
The weather was too bad to continue. We had to make a 180 degree turn to get out of the valley. During the turn, my leader decided to reverse the turn because we would have collided with the mountain. There was not enough space. I left him and continued the turn. I made it. He didn’t.
He crashed on the side of the mountain. That day I felt the breath of the grim reaper behind my neck. That day, I knew how precious life is.
Later in my career, as a mission leader or mission commander, I always asked myself: “can someone lose his life; can I lose a flight member?”
When the mission was challenging, combined with bad weather and new pilots straight out of the academy, I had to reflect on the risk and the fear to lose someone. Many times, I downgraded the complexity of the mission, changed the mission objectives or simply canceled it in order to ensure safety.
This question was part of my daily job. Now, if the answer to the question is “NO”. You will feel right away a sense of release and ease to face the situation. You will be able to slowly bring the rational reasoning in your thought and lower the intensity or eliminate the fear.
If it is still present, the source of your fear might come from one of those four reasons:
4 reasons for fear:
1. Fear of leaving your comfort zone (past)
When we have to make a decision, like taking a new job or moving to a new town, often what we fear is the loss of what we had or the safety of what we know. To counter this, think about the GAIN you might have like having better co-workers or having a better quality of life.
2. Fear of the challenge, the hardship (present)
Fear of the work, fear of the challenge, fear of the process, fear of not being capable or overwhelmed. You can recast that fear by bringing positive aspects to it, like learning something new. Think about how much personal GROWTH and experience you will get from it.
3. Fear of the result (future)
We all want to know the expected result before we start anything. We fear that all the effort invested might not be sufficient to reach the goal or fail at it. To counter this fear, try to focus on the journey and DETACH yourself of the outcome. Maybe the outcome can be much better than you expect.
4. Fear-based on your conditioning (past experiences)
Some fear was passed on by our family, friends, education, political system, religion to cite a few of them. When I was very young, my older sister told me that in our lake, there was a big fish that could eat me. I was always afraid to go in the water.
To this day, this thought comes into my mind when I go swimming, but I smile now. Overcome fears by being rational, by educating yourself, or researching if what was said is really the truth (there was no big fish in our small lake).
Final words - Anxiety and Fear of Death
Fear, except when it is related to a physical threat, an imminent danger that requires our attention for survival, is built by our mind giving us the wrong picture of reality.
Whenever you feel fear, take a few deep breaths and ask yourself “Am I going to die?” If the answer is “yes”, you need to act because your safety and life is in jeopardy. If the answer is “no”, find which reason mentioned above triggered this fear and rationalize them by seeing the gain, the growth, the opportunity. Focus on the journey, the process and not on the outcome.
I hope this short overview of the reason behind fear might help you to have a more adventurous life, a life full of great experience, joy, and fun.
P.S. Hey guys, Hubert here!
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