I woke up one morning, looked out the window, and saw a beautiful blanket of snow covering the ground. It had snowed all night during my sleep. A foot of fresh snow covered the yard. Finally, the day I was waiting for had arrived; the day I would build my dream igloo for my dad.

I was so excited and so happy. I put my clothes on as fast as I could. I ran down the stairs two steps at a time to the kitchen. My mum was preparing breakfast. I was excited to get out in the snow and build a special igloo, an igloo so big and so high that my father could stand up in it. I wanted to make him proud of me. At 9 years old, I was confident I could pull that off. I had dreamed of that day for weeks. Now here I was, ready to manifest my vision into the world.

I ate my breakfast like a puppy dog eating a bowl of food. I didn’t bother to chew; I just swallowed it as fast as I could. I just wanted to get out there in the snow.

The day was beautiful. The sun was bright. The sky had a vibrant blue color we only saw during the winter. The air was crispy and cold; you could feel it with every inhalation. After gearing up with my winter clothes and boots, I ran out to the yard impatient to be in the snow. The first thing I checked was the wetness of the snow to see if I could compact it in order to make blocks. Dry snow is not easy to work with. I needed just the right consistency and guess what… the snow was just perfect. I could make a snowball and it would hold its shape perfectly. My vision was to build an igloo just like the Eskimos did, with blocks cut in the snow. I had seen it on TV and I wanted to try it. This was the day. I was ready and happy to build an igloo that my father would be proud of.

I spent the first few hours of the morning compacting the snow with my feet. Then I took a shovel and cut snow-blocks, one by one. I started to pile them in one corner of the yard, where we had the most shade. I didn’t want my igloo to melt too fast. I wanted to make sure as well that the entry of the igloo would face the beautiful Alps covered with snow. I wanted to make it special for my dad.

I started to build the walls layer by layer. On one side, I left an empty space for the doorway. When the walls reached about five feet, I picked up a bucket, turned it upside down, and stepped on it to continue to build my walls.

Then, I faced a problem; how to make the top of the door casing, the door header. I had both walls left and right of the door opening. But I didn’t know how to make the horizontal part of the door frame. This part of the engineering was above my level of competence. I was so close to having the perfect igloo for my father. I didn’t want to be defeated. I had to find a solution to this problem.

I tried to compact the snow harder; It didn’t work. The blocks would break each time. I tried many times; I couldn’t make it happen. I started to feel hopeless. I felt defeated. I sat on my bucket and cried. I would not be able to make my father proud. This was not the day. I felt like a failure.

Then, I look to the left. Against the side of the house, there were a few old, wood planks. Maybe I could use one of them as the door header.

In the pile, there was a plank that had just the right dimensions. I took it and used it to build the top of my door. Then I continued building the walls, using my bucket as a prop to go higher. I rounded the walls and started to make the snow roof. After a long morning of work, my igloo was finished. When I stood up in the igloo, there was at least another foot above my head to the ceiling. I was confident that my father would be able to stand up inside the igloo. He would be so proud and happy. I couldn’t wait to see his face when he came back from work for lunch and saw what I had built for him. I was so excited and happy. I felt like I was on top of the world and that there was no limit to what I could build in life.

I waited outside in the driveway for my father to arrive. As usual, just before 12 o’clock, he arrived. I ran to his car: “daddy, daddy, come with me! I want to show you what I did for you this morning”. I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the back yard. As a proud architect/contractor/builder, I showed him my giant igloo. I couldn’t wait to bring him inside to see if he could stand up without touching the ceiling.

My father dropped my hand. He looked at the igloo. At first, he didn’t say a word until he looked at my door header and said: “you could have done better by not using this piece of wood”. Then he looked down, turned around, and walked toward the house to get his lunch, leaving me behind. That was it!

Here I was, alone, not understanding the world anymore. My eyes filled up with tears. Why wasn’t my dad proud about what I did? Why didn’t he congratulate me? Why didn’t he even go inside the igloo? I would never know if I had reached my goal to build my igloo tall enough for him to stand up. Why was he never happy about or proud of anything I did? Here I was alone, wiping my tears on my cheeks. I took a few deep breaths, cleaned my eyes, and walked toward the house. I made sure that he would not see that I had cried. I went into the house, took my shoes off, hung my clothes, and went to the kitchen. I sat down at the dinner table, looked at my plate, and ate. No words were exchanged. After the 30 minutes that it took for my dad to have his lunch, he stood up, took his winter coat and hat, and left the house to go back to work.

Here I was alone again at the kitchen table. I decided to go upstairs to my bedroom. I looked through the window. The sky was so blue. The sun was so bright. The snow was covering the trees and the land. It was beautiful. I gazed down and looked at my friend the igloo. I told him I was sorry that my father didn’t like him. I was really sorry. Then, I said goodbye, turned around, and looked at my toy box, searching for something to play with. I never went back to play with my friend. I abandoned him to mother nature.

As I write this story, I can remember every minute of this experience. I always wonder why this event stayed so present in my life. For me, there are two ways to look at it; either be sad and question the unfairness of the world, and blame my father for never being proud of me, or, I can look at it as an experience that taught me lessons that would shape my life in a positive way. I will share with you 5 lessons I learned from building an igloo for my dad.

1.    You own your goals, nobody else does

When you set your goal, you set your own personal goal. Everybody is on a different path in life, with different skills, different abilities, and different ambitions. My first goal was to build a giant igloo where my dad could stand up inside. I achieved it (even though we couldn’t prove it 100%). For my dad, this goal was probably insignificant at that time in his life. For me, It was a big deal. It is important to set goals for yourself, to own them, and to not let the opinion of others change the importance of the goal and its result. It is yours; you give the final assessment. Other people may have another opinion, a different viewpoint. Don’t let others interfere with how you feel about your goal.

2.   Don’t tailor goals based on the appreciations of others

As a kid, my second goal was to make my daddy proud and happy. I defined my goal based on his appreciation. That day, it may have been possible that my dad had a bad morning at work. Maybe he was worried about his business. Or, maybe, as a child, nobody in his family said they were proud of him and never congratulated him in his life. If you set goals, make sure they represent what you want to achieve and not what others want from you. It is your life, your journey, your goal and you set your own expectation for yourself.

3.   Be resilient

Yes, that day, when I was back in my bedroom, I was sad. Yes, I gave up. But I didn’t give up for long. A few days later, I did some research about building a door header in an igloo. I learned how to cut blocks at an angle and to make a half circle to make the top of the door frame. A few weeks later, it snowed again. This time, I went to the nearby forest edge and built again my igloo. It was smaller but had the perfect door header. Mission accomplished. I proved to myself that I was capable to process feedback, to learn, and to try again. Never give up. In the moment, you may feel like it. That’s OK. But don’t give up your dream. Be resilient. Learn from your mistakes and try again maybe through a different angle, with a different perspective.

4.   Celebrate the little wins

I didn’t celebrate my first igloo. I didn’t even play with it for a single day. I let it melt under the sun. It took many weeks until the footprint of this igloo totally disappeared on the ground. I could see it disintegrate slowly, day-by-day, triggering thoughts of disappointment and sadness. I didn’t show my second igloo to my dad. It was my igloo, my playground, my happy place. I went there almost every day. I fixed it every time to make it last as long as possible. I celebrated the big win, the accomplishment. If I would have known at that time what I know now, I would have celebrated the little wins along the way of building the first igloo; I was able to cut blocks, build walls taller than me, and find a solution to my door header issue. I did it alone. All those little wins matter. In life, it is important to look at those little wins every day. The big win is great but only comes one time in the end. Why not celebrate more often the little ones. It will keep you motivated. It will make you feel better. And who does not want to celebrate in life? So, focus on the little, daily wins.

5.    Don’t let failure define you

During my childhood, I never heard my father telling me he was proud of me. When he gave me a comment, he always pinpointed something that was wrong or something that could be better. He never commented on the good things. Even when I received my wings as a fighter pilot, he didn’t congratulate me. It was not that he wasn’t proud of me per se, but rather, he probably couldn’t express himself. When I look at his life, he was not a happy person. My guess is that he identified himself with all the things that went wrong in his life. I could have followed in his steps and looked at my life as a succession of failures. I did it for a while in my life because I was raised that way; that was the only thing I knew. Whatever I did when I was young was never good enough. Whatever I said was not heard. I was not acknowledged, valued, and appreciated. I could have let the “failures” define me and play the victim, the “poor-me” all my life (and don’t take me wrong, I did it for a while). What I have learned through the years is that failures or mistakes do not define you. They are there as lessons to be learned in order to grow and be better. Change the narrative and express your mistakes as lessons learned. It will change the way you look at your life. Know that you are capable, that you can learn anything, and that you can become whoever you want to be. Don’t let the present circumstances define who you want to become. Look at all the successes, all the little wins you already had in your journey. Then, look at the future with confidence and expect to continue to win and succeed like you already have done. Define yourself with who you want to become.

Final words

I often think of this experience in my life. We all have specific memories that stay with us. It could be a simple event, an interaction with someone, something you have read or listened to that has changed you and made you into the person you have become. If you look back, what are the stories or the experiences that have defined you or represent who you have become? In my life, I have chosen many challenging paths. I have beaten the odds many times; like becoming a fighter pilot or being able to move to the United States and open my own business. I have learned to set my own personal goals, to listen to feedback but see the final words through my own perspective. I learned to own my goals and not be embarrassed by other’s opinions. I have learned to be resilient, to try again and again, maybe with a different approach. I have learned that we are all capable of changing and becoming whatever we wanted to be if we focus and work hard. I learned to celebrate all those little wins along the way, those wins that make you feel good, happy, those wins that deserve to be celebrated. I do the same for others. I celebrate them and cheer them up. I don’t let failure define me. Failures became my lessons learned, the lessons I needed to experience to become a better person. Building an igloo for my dad, at 9 years old, was the experience that has shaped who I have become.

Now, for you, what is it that really impacted your life and that helped you to grow? What are the stories or the memories that really made a difference in your life? Go deep and look at the lessons learned. Look at the positive. Frame your story with another more positive perspective. You may be surprised by what you uncover.

Lastly, I think we need more playgrounds and playtime in life. We often take life too seriously. We don’t plan enough activities that really fulfill us. Maybe it is time now to build your igloo again and create new memories. Go out there and have fun!

-Hubert
YourHPcoach

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