It was 8 pm on a cold December night. The land was covered with a blanket of snow. The moon was full. This was the night my father was waiting for. It was the night he could teach me what he knew best. It was a beautiful, cold, crispy night where you could walk silently in the snow. The full moon lighted the landscape; you could see everything on the reflected snow. The only sound we heard was the howls in the forest. It was the perfect night for poaching.

My father wore a long, faded green raincoat he bought at the military surplus. The inside of the left pocket was cut off so his hand could hold the butt of a modified, short, folded .22 Hornet rifle. He was able to slide it under his armpit and hold the bottom of it with his left hand. With his right hand, he would hold my tiny hand. Here we were, a father and son walking together under the full moon, hand in hand. It sure looked innocent.

I wore a black beanie, my favorite green jacket, and blue mittens to keep my hands warm. I was 9 years old. My father and I were hiking up the mountain. We had to be very quiet, no talking. He taught me to walk by pressing the heel in the snow first and to roll the foot up to the toes (yes, walking on your toes makes more noise). He taught me to look up in the sky when we walked through the forest. “Don’t look down in the dark,” he repeated to me “you will trip. Look up and see the shape of the trail through the canopy of the trees”. The trail shows itself between the tips of the trees where you can see the full moon. I know, it may sound strange to look up, but it is the way to do it at night. At least that is the way my father taught me.

That night, my father Charles and I were on a mission to hunt a deer. That night I became a child poacher! That night, we shot at a dear but missed. The rule in poaching is only to shoot once. Why? Anyone who hears a single shot (especially the local rangers who lived close by) cannot identify its origin. After a shot, we naturally listen attentively and pay attention to any noise that can help us figure out where the shot came from. If you shoot a second time, they will know where you are.

During my childhood, my father taught me how to hunt, fish, and catch frogs illegally (frogs’ legs are a delicacy in Switzerland). He also taught me how to make “moonshine”. During the Christmas holidays, my sisters and I would wear rubber boots and jump in big plastic barrels mashing apples or pears in order to make alcohol. Why Christmas time? Because during this period of the year, utility people don’t show up to record the water and electricity meter which are located in the basement. When you make moonshine, it smells, especially when you do it in the basement of the house with little ventilation. As a kid, I thought it was fun.

During all these years, I felt special. I was doing things that other kids would never experience. I started to like our secret, nighttime getaways. I felt alive. My life was full of crazy adventures. I was excited, nervous, and afraid of getting caught. It is like the feeling you get when you start something new, like launching a product or service. The same feeling you get when you go on a blind date; anxious, excited, afraid, thrilled… all at once. I am sure you have experienced the same kind of feelings too… Do you remember your first date as a teenager? Do you remember your first job interview? Well, that was how I felt.

My father wasn’t a bad man. He was an introvert who was hurt as a child and had an abusive wife. My father would never hurt anyone. On the contrary, he helped many people and was generous with local charities. However, breaking the law was an addiction. He often walked in the grey area of legality. Sometimes he got caught and had to pay a small fine and sometimes he got away with it. BUT, he never learned from it and kept this bad habit all his life. He had a strong. FIXED MINDSET. Only his opinion and point of view mattered. He was always right and everybody else was wrong. His stubbornness drove him to take his own life at the age of 73 with the modified, short, folded riffle we used when we went hunting under the full moon.

When I started my training to become a fighter pilot, I stopped all of those illegal activities. I knew that if I got caught, I would get kicked out. I started to follow rules and understood that there are laws in society that we all have to follow. Still, some bad habits stuck with me. For over two decades, I kept this same fixed, close mindset that my father had. I had the same internal dialog playing: I cannot change. I had no understanding of how the brain works. I had to be right, meaning others had to be wrong. I have to be like my father (early age conditioning). I didn’t know better until one day I felt like I didn’t belong with my family or my country and decided to move and take a job in the United States.

2005 was the beginning of a new journey. Being far away from my family, from my toxic mother and my father who was still doing the same things, I discovered a totally new perspective on life; a new way of thinking. Distance gave me the opportunity to have space to grow and become who I am now. During this journey, I read many scientific and psychology books. I discovered how the brain works. I discovered the power of thought. I finally understood that we can either have a FIXED MINDSET or a GROWTH MINDSET.

Today, I want to share with you the three major lessons I learned when taking the path of becoming a growth mindset person. If you want to grow and create big changes in your life, you might face the same challenges. Maybe these insights can help you to not feel alone when times get tough. Trust that the work will pay off, even if you don’t feel or see progress.

Having a growth mindset is hard work

If you are closing the door to having a fixed mindset, and are knocking on the door of the growth mindset, don’t be surprised if it is hard work that answers. It is not easy and it takes time. I don’t want to “sugar coat” this shift in your way of thinking. Think about the neurotransmitters and neuro-connections in your brain that have to be “rewired”. The plasticity of the brain allows new cells to grow, new pathways, and new connections to occur. All of that takes time. And yes, sometimes it is frustrating because we would like it to be faster. In my own experience, I noticed that we progress in steps. One day we become aware of a breakthrough or we can see and feel that we are progressing. Then, we stay at that level for a while, not feeling any improvement. Trust that you are making progress but that progress happens step by step.

Your mind needs time to make the change permanent. Do you remember when you were a kid and learned to write the alphabet? Before you learned the next letter, you practiced writing the first again and again. Sometimes it was easy, sometimes it was difficult. Sometimes you felt frustrated and at other times you were excited and proud to see the progress. Many years later, it is still the same process, just on a bigger scale. So be patient and kind to yourself. Look at the big picture. Take one small step at a time and remember that they will all add up. It is hard work but I guarantee you that it worth every minute of the time you are investing in becoming a better version of yourself. Don’t give up. Keep going. It will pay off!

No man’s land feeling

When I was 18 years old, I went with three friends to Poland to buy a glider for our club. We drove an old green Mercedes and pulled a long trailer. We took turns driving the 1,000s of miles to get to the factory where we loaded the new glider in the trailer. On our way back, we had to cross a “no man’s land” between the Eastern and Western countries. At that time, the Berlin wall was still up and the communist party was a threat to Europe. Do you remember the USSR? It was during that time. After crossing through Czechoslovakia, we had to stop at a border checkpoint controlled by soldiers armed with Kalashnikovs. The checkpoint was surrounded by barbed wire as tall as a house. We were all scared. Then, there was maybe a quarter mile of “no man’s land” before we reached the German border. I remember how scared we were when we left the checkpoint and had to drive through that zone. We were afraid of getting shot. Maybe we had seen too many movies. We just wanted to get across as fast as possible but still needed to respect the speed limit (and believe me, we did). It was a relief when we finally crossed the German border safe and sound.

Why am I telling you this story? During your transformational journey, you will drive through a “no man’s land”. You may feel lonely. You may feel scared of what awaits you. Why? Because you are going to leave many things behind. You may have to let go of some of the friends you had who were negative, not supportive, and didn’t understand your journey. You may doubt yourself and your undertaking to change to get a better life. But, from time to time (and you have to pay attention to see it), you will connect with new people who will resonate with the energy and the frequency you are aiming to achieve. The interesting fact I noticed is that at the beginning, you will meet people randomly with whom you really connect. They will come into your life and then disappear. You wish you could stay in touch but they are gone. Those people come into your life to show you the possibilities if you continue your journey. They are a sign that you are on the right track. For a long time, you have been spinning a wheel that gained a huge momentum (fixed mindset). Now you have started to spin a new tiny wheel, the growth mindset wheel. It will take time before the old wheel stops spinning by itself (tempting you to go back to who you were) and the new one builds momentum (showing you who you want to become). Don’t be discouraged and look at the signs. Look at the connections, the new experiences, the new people that come into your life. Trust that they are there to show you how the future can look. Be excited that good things are coming your way. When your new wheel gains momentum, you will attract more of the good things and they will stick in your life. That was my personal experience. The “No man’s land” is just the transition period between the “old” you and the “new“ you.

Be ready to have a bigger impact

People will notice that you are changing. They may not voice it, but they can see and feel it. Some of them may envy you. Some will criticize you; they want you back in their world mired in all of the negativity and misery. That’s okay. You are doing the work for yourself and not for them. You want a better life, they don’t. You will also see people who are inspired by you. They will cheer you on. They will be happy for you and will support you. In both cases, they look at you as a leader, a role model, a person who influences their life. Even the negative person (the hater) still looks at you because you influence them in some way… right? Think about it. They look at you; you matter to them even if they are confused about how to relate to you. It is an interesting fact, isn’t it? Someone who really doesn’t care will just move on and not comment or look at you.

When you become a role model and influence people, you have to take this role seriously. It is fun, rewarding but also demanding. It requires you to be aware of a new responsibility. Your words and actions will have a big impact, starting with your family members, coworkers, and community. Be ready for it… It will come sooner than you think. People will be inspired by your journey. You will have a bigger impact. Use it wisely and purposefully.

Final words

Your life experiences have carried you to where you are now. You are exactly where you should be, right now, in this moment. It could be a season of doubts and challenges for you. That is okay. You can do it. Trust yourself and be confident. You are capable of handling them. This how we grow as human beings. If I look back on my life, I don’t wish it to be different. I only wish I would have understood sooner the power of my brain and mind. I wish I had known that I have the power to shape and mold the way I think and act in this world. I wish I had learned earlier that a growth mindset is the key to a better, more purposeful, and fulfilling life. Yes, it is hard work. Yes, it can feel lonely. And yes, people will judge you for the good or the bad, but always remember that if they look at you, it is because somewhere, somehow you inspire them.

This is your time to shape the life you want. It is the time to change your perspective and work on becoming a better version of yourself. Surround yourself with like-minded people. Be bold, courageous, confident, and resilient when times get tough. Believe me, it is worth blood, sweat, and tears. Be ready to experience the life you have always dreamed of. Go for it, be open, and grow. If at any time, you feel lonely and need support, know that I am here for you. I am excited for you because good things are coming your way!

-Hubert
YourHPcoach

P.S.: Hey guys, Hubert here!

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