3 EASY STEPS TO GAIN INFLUENCE
I = (R + A)E
Influence (I) can be summarized in the simple equation: I = (R + A) E . But what do these parameters mean? Maybe we should start by the definition of “influence”: “the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something, or the effect itself” (Oxford dictionary). Many people interpret this definition as being able to convince someone to agree with their point of view. They define “influence” as the skill to change the opinion of someone else. They enter the conversation with a “debate mindset” where winning and being right is more important than being open to the perspective of the other person. There is a better way to influence someone where we focus on letting the person discover their own answers and hopefully see another perspective. This the formula that works: I = (R + A) E . “I” is Influence, “R” is Recognition, “A” is Ambition and “E” is Emotion.1. R: recognition
The first step in influencing someone is to acknowledge their understanding and perception of what is real for them. You have to honor the struggles and challenges the person is going through. We all come from a different culture, education, and background. Our own past experiences shape what we think today and how we perceive reality. The same event will trigger different feelings and reactions in different people.
I remember teaching scuba diving to an Asian lady in her 50’s. In order to be certified as a scuba diver, you have to swim 200 yards in the pool. My perception of swimming in a pool was that it is fun, refreshing, enjoyable, and safe. I assumed it would be the same for her. She said she was a good swimmer and had done some triathlons. I was confident with her skill. She jumped in the water. After 20 yards, she almost drowned. What happened? After a long conversation, she told me that when she jumped in the water, she remembered a traumatic experience when she was a child in Vietnam. She escaped her country on a refugee boat. When they hit the first beach, she was thrown overboard into the ocean. For her, water was scary. She had a panic attack in the pool. By understanding her reality, I was able to acknowledge her. Water was not a funny, exciting, safe place for her.
The second important aspect in recognition is to show the person how far they have come and explore all their wins which I did with my student. She had learned to swim and had raced triathlons in the ocean. She had the courage to push forward and go beyond her fear despite the traumatic experience of her childhood.
I made her feel heard, appreciated, acknowledged, valued and respected.
2. A: Ambition
The second step is to stoke the ambition. Understand WHO they want to become, WHAT they want to achieve, and WHERE they want to go in life. People will tell you their goals, dreams, and ambitions. Your role is to amplify their ambitions. Too many people think small or self-sabotage themselves before they start. They come up with excuses like I don’t have the money, I don’t have the time, nobody is here to help me, I don’t have the skill. These are limited believes based on past experiences, education, and patterns that run within the family or close friends. Influencing people means showing them that they are capable and can achieve their dreams. You have to paint for them an amazing picture of their future in order to fire up their ambition.
With my scuba diving student, we looked at what she wanted to achieve. Her goal was to get over the fear of having her head under the water and not being able to breathe. I started to paint for her a bigger picture. We talked about her next vacation where she could scuba dive. We talked about looking at fish, coral and enjoying the feeling of freedom and peace when we swim under the water. I made her dream bigger. Her eyes became brighter and her determination to get certified became greater.
3. E: Emotion
Emotion is what makes the difference between action and non-action. I can acknowledge the person and paint the perfect dream picture. If there is no emotion attached, people will not take action. Emotion will amplify recognition and ambition. It is why it is in exponential (E). The more emotion you bring into the conversation, the more action the person will take. The best way to do that is to share a story, if possible a personal story. Describe the feelings, the excitement and the magic. Make the person want to experience the same feelings.
With my student, I shared my story about being afraid to swim in a lake when was a child. I explained my journey and how I overcame my fear. Not only I overcame this fear but now water is my happy place. I love being in the water, the sensation of weightlessness and peace. Now, I teach scuba diving and share my passion with people like her who want new and exciting experiences in their life.
Final words
If you follow these three easy steps, people will like you and trust you. Recognize them, fire up their ambition and grow it exponentially with emotion. What you have achieved is to show them their potential, another perspective, and another way of thinking. It is powerful. Try it! Your relationships with that person will forever be transformed.
-Hubert
YourHPcoach
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