5 THINGS THAT I WISH I HAD KNOWN WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER, PART I
Inspired by the Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Over the past few months I have been working on a program focused on helping youth. This has encouraged me to reflect on my life, from my early childhood to now. What I am certain of is that I have learned “life” the hard way. In my teenage years I had no mentors, coaches, or role models, and I was living with neglectful and unavailable parents. I know that there are many young people out there living in similar situations. They try the best they can to figure out how life works, to make sense of what is happening to them, and to find a way to break the cycle to get the life that they want.
My parents were not bad per se – they just didn’t know better. They replicated what happened to them as children. At the time, personal development was unknown. They were too busy surviving “life” itself. They had no concept of growth and/or basic psychology. They had no idea of the impact that their behaviors had on the development of their own kids. Do I forgive them? Yes, because I want my own freedom. However, they are responsible for their actions. There is a fine line between forgiveness and accountability. This line must be present. Too many people fall into the trap of removing this line and forgiving the accountability. The consequence is that they then fall back down into the situation they were in as a kid and become the victim again. Keep people accountable for their actions, but forgive them and yourself in order to regain your freedom. This is the healthy way to find closure and move forward in life, in my perspective.
My all-time favorite book is the “Little Prince” by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. I find a lot of wisdom and inspiration in this story. Thinking about my life, I imagine myself as the little prince. Each experience would be like a visit to a planet. Later I picture myself as the old version of the little prince nearing the end of his life, sitting on a chair and telling the stories of his journey through the different planets he visited. If I had time to share only the 5 most important planets that I have visited in my life, which would it be? Which 5 things would I share with my younger self? That was the inspiration for this article.
What I hope is to inspire you to reflect on your own life. Think about the 5 best pieces of advice you can share with your kids or young people in your community. We all know young individuals who are struggling to find their North Star. You can help. You can have an impact on their life. They need your support. I hope that my 5 things will inspire you to do the same!
1. Passion
When I was around 10 years old, I became passionate about airplanes. I was living close to an airfield and I could see airplanes taking off and landing from my bedroom window. During the weekend, I often took my bicycle and rode it to the airfield. I would lean against the fence, above the sign saying “No trespassing” just watching the airplanes. I was fascinated by the pilots, their leather jackets, and their Ray-Ban sunglasses. I thought they were so cool! Sometimes, the airfield manager allowed me to jump the fence and clean the airplanes. During summertime, there were many mosquitos and flies that covered the leading edge of the wing and the canopy of the airplane. I was in heaven being able to touch a real airplane. On lucky days, a pilot who had a free seat would take me with him and suddenly I was flying! From that moment, I decided to become a professional pilot, but not the typical pilot. I wanted to become a fighter jet pilot. I was more than passionate... I was obsessed. I worked my way up from the age 15 to 21 to become one of them. There were 3,000 applicants who wanted to become a military pilot. The Swiss Air Force needed only 6. Despite my dyslexia, my bad grades, little support from my family, and not speaking German (at that time, everything was in German in the military), I made it through the tough selection and hard training. I have never crunched the numbers but I would guess that you have a better chance of becoming an NFL football player than a fighter pilot.
I found myself reaching the top of a fighter pilot career. I became one of the top 10 instructors in the Air Force. My passion for flying started to fade away. What was next? The passion was gone and I needed something new.
An opportunity arose to move to the US and work for the Swiss Department of Foreign Affairs. It was something totally new and I loved it. I was passionate about this job but again the passion faded away. I dug deep within and asked myself what my passion is. I had always wanted to be an entrepreneur and serve people. My passion was more about philanthropy and having an impact on people’s lives. I wanted to focus on youth and share my experiences for the last stretch of my life. I didn’t want them to learn the hard way and make the same mistakes I did. I created my own company and here I am, able to make a living serving executives and at the same time providing support to the youth.
The advice that I would give to young people who do not know which path to follow, is to follow the path of passion. It will be challenging. Often, we must blaze a new trail. Too many people follow the path of less resistance and stick to the highway that leads to a formal career, getting their first car, buying a house, having a family… This is all important but if you have all of it and you are not doing what you are passionate about, you will be miserable. I often tell people that all the material things and money cannot be the driving factor in your life. Passion is! If you serve your passions and work hard, rewards will come. Money and wealth will be a “by-product” of what you do passionately. Focus on what makes you vibrant, energized and jumping out of bed to tackle the day.
The last thing I want to share is being brave enough to follow your heart. If the passion is fading and a new one starts, don’t be attached and follow what you feel will give you the best life. Many people in Switzerland didn’t understand how and why I was leaving behind a successful career. It was just time! I flew from the age of 15 to 48. I served my country. It was time for me to follow my heart, my passion, and serve others!
2. Yoga
The first time I heard about yoga was when I moved to America in 2005. My girlfriend at the time invited me to a class. I was very uncomfortable. I have never been barefoot in a class before, and I had this fear that my feet would stink. You may laugh about it but at the time, it triggered a memory when I was a kid. I remembered playing Lego with my neighbor in his room. I had been wearing the same socks day after day. I didn’t know any better, and my parents never taught me to change my socks more often. I was uncomfortable and didn’t know how to address this issue. 35 years later, I still had this memory. To make things worse, I was the only man in the class and I was as flexible as an iron bar! I had absolutely no idea what to expect. I was completely out of my comfort zone. But I liked it. I went once a week, then a few months later two times a week until I practiced it almost every day. A few years later I became a yoga instructor.
Yoga opened my eyes to a new world. I started to learn how my body worked, the importance of the breath, and the benefit of meditation. I remembered telling my Swiss friends that I was practicing yoga. They mocked me. They didn’t understand the benefit. In their defense, yoga in Switzerland was not really practiced or talked about. They were probably 10 years behind what was happening here in California. I will give you an example of how beneficial yoga can be:
On my first California driving license in 2005, my height was 5’7”. On my 2019 driving license, my height is 5’9”. Yes, 2 inches taller!
Let me share some background of this that will blow your mind. The weight of an average head is between 10 to 11lbs. A new generation fighter pilot helmet weights between 4 to 5 lbs. This combined weight is around 15lbs. At 8Gs (gravity forces or acceleration) your head and helmet weigh 120 lbs (8 x 15lbs). That is like having three 40lbs gym weights over your head. Imagine moving your head around with this weight. It was what we did in dog fighting, every day. The cervical spine becomes damaged, especially the disks. Looking at your last lumbar vertebra is even scarier! If your weight is 170 lbs, subtract the weight of your legs (20% of your body weight) and add the harness weight we carry on when we fly (20lbs) we have a total weight of 156lbs. on the last disk of the spine. At 8Gs, this is the equivalent of 1,248lbs!
When I left the Air force in 2017, I remembered hearing many of my colleagues talking about their neck and back pain. I knew that it was not healthy long term to be subject to these high G-forces. My spine was compressed like theirs. However, through yoga I was able to regain 2 inches.
As the Hindus say, your body is your temple. Take care of it. Yoga will help you to maintain the outside (physical aspect) but also the inside (mental, emotional, and spiritual). I wish I would have been exposed to yoga at a younger age. If I was sitting next to my younger self, I would tell him not to worry about his stinky feet, the people around him, or being the only man in the class. Step out of your comfort zone and do it. The key to get results is to practice regularly and diligently.
3. Personal development
School was not a happy place for me. From the 1st grade to the end of my college years, I had a “F” for every dictation. I remembered a teacher during the 5th and 6th grade who terrified me. I was so afraid of him that, some days, I would hide in the nearby garden at the bus stop to miss the bus. I was afraid to go to school. During those two years, I would have sleepless nights thinking how I would survive the next day at school.
I was struggling at school. The teacher couldn’t understand why I couldn’t read like the others, and I was making so many mistakes in spelling words. I was beaten like you can’t imagine. Having my head knocked down on his desk or against the blackboard was almost a daily thing. Sometimes he pulled my hair so hard (yes, I had hair at that time 😊) that I would fall on the ground. He would kick me in my ribs and legs like a football across the classroom until I reached the door. He will open it and kick me for the last time out of the classroom. I was always coming home with bruises. My parents didn’t care. It was this silent acknowledgment that if you were beaten, it must be because you were not behaving correctly. I think parents were afraid of this teacher as well. Nowadays, he would be arrested for what he did. What nobody knew at the time is that I was dyslexic. It was not something they diagnosed. The consequence was that I hated to read and hated to write. I didn’t read a book for decades. I did everything I could to not write anything. Daily journaling (something I was “forced” to do during my yoga teacher training) was something I avoided my entire life… until four years ago. What changed?
One day I was reading an article about a very young lady (in her early 20s) who started a business in her kitchen doing green juices. Before the age of 30, her business was worth 300 million dollars. The interviewer asked her what the key was to her success and what kind of habits she had. Her answer was simple. She woke up 30 minutes before her partner and meditated. She took time to focus on the right thoughts. She made sure to start the day with a positive mindset. Guess what she was doing before as a side job? Yoga teacher!
What she said really resonated with me. I came to the realization that I knew so much about technology related to the F/A-18 and so little about my brain and mind. Sooner or later, I would leave this job and forget most of what I learned but my mind? I will be stuck with that until my last breath. So, I decided to focus and spend time on personal development to learn how my mind works.
I had to overcome my reading challenge. Interestingly, my dyslexia is more severe in French than in English. I read books after books, went to seminars, watched videos, and later listened to podcasts. I wanted to master my mind. During this process, I discovered that I was raised in a fixed mindset belief system. My parents, my social environment and the “rigid” Swiss culture that conditioned people to think a certain way led me to believe that we cannot change. I realized that the growth mindset attitude is the key to a better life; being a life-long student.
Understanding how the brain (physical aspect) and the mind (mental/emotional aspect) worked was a key to my personal development. If I was mentoring my young self, I would say to be curious in life. Learn new things. Don’t be attached to the identity of who you are now. Project what you want to become. Envision it. Learn new skills or deepen your knowledge in whatever makes you happy. Be open to new possibilities. This is how new passions can arise.
Make sure that every year, you plan a budget for your personal development. Reserve time in your calendar to read and learn new skills. Make it a habit. Seek for a mentor. Surround yourself with growth mindset people. Follow the lead of people who inspire you, who want the best for you.
Final words
This is part I of the 5 things that I wish I knew when I was a teenager. Next month, I will share with you part II with the last two items.
I really stepped out of my comfort zone sharing my personal life. It was not easy to be raw and speak about my experiences as a child. Yes, it was not pretty. But how many people went through similar situations? How many are going through tough life or tough love right now? You probably know someone close to you or in your community who is struggling, right now! My wish for you is that you step up and share your stories. Share them in a way that gives hope, that serves others to be resilient and fight for a better life. We all have dark seasons in life. Be the one who brings light and guidance. That is my wish for you and the people who need you!
One last note. Even though I was beaten as a child at school, neglected by my parents and didn’t have them to “protect” me from the abuse, there is still something good about it. I learned to be resilient, to work two times harder than others to get the minimum grade to pass to the next class. I learned to be self-sufficient and find solutions by myself. The circumstances forced me to grow fast and take responsibility for my own actions. These hardships helped me to become who I am now. Interestingly, many of the executive clients I coach were diagnosed with dyslexia or ADD. I think these challenges forced us to be fighters, hard workers, and never give up. It is maybe one of the reasons why they become successful. So, look at the silver lining. There are always gifts or opportunities in any situation in life, good or bad.
P.S. To read part II, click HERE!
- Hubert
YourHPcoach
P.S. Hey guys, Hubert here!
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